INSTALLING A HUSBAND

My friend Amy posted this on MySpace and I found it amusing. Maybe some of you will too.


Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.


Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.


Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.


What can I do? Signed,
Desperate
__________________________________________________
DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind,

Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.


Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.HTML and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.


If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.


However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.


***Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Gas and Snoring Loudly Beta.


Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.


In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.


Best Wishes Babe!
Tech Support

Stanza Three

See my May postings for the first two stanzas.


He wakes up in the dead of night.
The space next to him is cold.
He wonders where she went to;
he needs someone to hold.
As he leaves the room to find her,
he's feeling rather bold,
but then he finds her sobbing
and encases her in his fold.

Thanks, Mecher

For years, I have felt dejected because I never found a major in college that I actually enjoyed enough to make a career out of. Not that there was ever anything wrong with econ, but I have never felt all that passionate about any of the majors I tried, and I have always wondered if that made me strange.

Talking to our merchandising supervisor yesterday showed me that I am not the only one. He had the exact same problem, and, like me, graduated with something just to say he had a degree. That was a relief to me. I wonder how many other people had that problem.

I still worry that I won't find anything. I talk about wanting to get my paralegal certification, but at the same time I worry that I won't truly enjoy that either and it will be a waste of my money.

Ah well. I guess I will keep searching.